Matheran Myaadness

I think this it’s beena really really long time that i hav written..!!

But thanks to inspiration ( or cud u call it Persuasion ) from the guru in writing herself lady Nabanita Singha Roy and ma dear friend Pooh, reckon it’s time to share ma latest outing last week.

This time we decided to go to Matheran, a hill station about 150 kms from pune on da Mumbai route. Ideally it was supposed to be COLD.. being a hill station.. but thanks to it’s altitude being lower than that of Pune, boy it was freakin HOT…!!! As hot as KIM K and her lovely assests or probably J lo’s..! :P

Anyways.. Coming back to the topic of ma outing… (Kim and JLO can wait..;) )..

To do the honour of accompanying yours truly were:

Tushar aka CHAMAN GUITAR aka BAVA.. Our LEAD guitarist (READ JEE – TAR – IST) and da wonly musician who carried a Borrowed Guitar…
Bava was so very worried dat sum1 mite drop his guitar or do something to it.. dat he let yours truly and others take care of it…!! Inference to be taken out : .. yeah u’r rite.. apro CHAMAN GUITAR BAVA is totally IRRISPONSIBLE..!!! :P

Next to do the honours was SUNIL.. da Silent Laughing Killer..!! dis guy has his Trademark I LAUGH TILL u r EMBARRRRASSED tacti..!!! J

Then we had Her Highness Granthana ji Biswas ( G.B ) who ACTUALLY GOT CHUTTI AND HAD THE DESIRE TO COME OUT ALONG WID US..!! J One important thing to b kept in mind is G.B always has dis thing of targeting yours truly on the eating habits..!! and kinda overdoes it always…
so if I hav lets say half a box of POPCORN, G.B’s status msg says “ NINNAD HOGGED POPCORN till HIS TUMMY BURST..” J !!!

To accompany us and ENLIGHTEN us were he Oye blai-me SARDARNI POOH and her sister Aarti…

I will not mention about Pooh now as this write up is about our.. er my outing and not about her Kissas of Dumbness / self obsession…!! : P

Lastly the jaan of the group, KARUNA aka Bacchu who’s so very wel practiced the art of DIPLOMACY , PATIENCE AND SELF CONTROL .. that I always wonder as to how she does it so very well..

This CHICK DOES NOT FIGHT WITH ANY ONE.. DOES NOT HATE ANY1, IS TOLLERANT TO AN EXTENT THAT SHE SUFFERS DUE TO IT… W.T.F I DON’T HAVE ANYTHING downbeat TO TALK BOUT HER..!! ;)

We were expecting 3 others, but they ditched @ the 11^th hour and since they were not a part of the outing, they don’t deserve a mention here too..!!!

The plan for the outing was done as if it was CHICHA NEHRU’s 5 year plan for the country…

All the permissions in place, tickets booked well in advance, hotel bookings done, maps in place, and wad not…!!

Ideally dis trip was supposed to b a wild – to freak out trip..!! J

Now one must note that Permissions play a very important role here…

Some of the above mentioned individuals actually need to confirm wid not only their folks but also with their KAKA, KAKI’S, MAMA AND MAAMI’S , GRAND FATHERS, GREAT GRANDMOTHARS, GREATEST GRANDPARENTS, HOUSE MAIDS, DRIVERS, NEIGHBHOURS WIFES’ SECOND HUSBANDS THIRD WIFES LOVER’S FOURTH DAUGHTER’S NANNY ETC ETC…

AND WONLY VERBAL CONFIRMATIONS ARE NOT ENUF…. Coz even post that somebody just drops a message again @ the 11^th hour saying.... “MOM NOT SENDING…YOU GUYS PLZ CARRY ON...”
so I recommended a written confirmation..!! J

And here we’r talking bout individuals who r over 25 years of age..!!!

So, admist a lot of confusion as to who would pick whom up and from where, we started our journey toward matheran…

Had got confirmed tickets on Sinhagad express to a station called KARJAT ( famous for it’s Vada Paav… but unfortunately it’s quality has gone from bad to worst over the years… L )

As always train travel is a pleasure, provided u like observing people and learn to keep ur mouth shut and hear them… U actually meet a lotta GYAANI people who with the confidence of a SUBJECT MATTER EXPERT can feko anything and everythin..
Like for example, there’s dis place called AMERICAN CANADA..!! :P or LEANING TOWER OD PISA IS GIFTED TO ITALY BY FRANCE.. JUST LIKE DA STATUE OF LIBERTY..!!! Man.. dess guys r a different species all together…

Des r da same category of species who being ticket less themselves wud occupy your seat and with the same confidence as shown above would try to convince you that u r in da wrong bogie.. ideally u hav a reserved ticket in the same bogie on the same berth / seat they’v usurped..!!

After taking care of all the BLUFF MASTERS and settling down, our first leg of the journey : PUNE – KARJAT started.
Travelling time : 2 hrs

This leg of the journey was fun as every1 was wide awake by then… ( forgot to mention that the train departs @ 6.00 am..!!, toooo early to even wake up.. L )

Here we discovered dat Pooh’s dad had actually got up @ 4 in da morning and prepared yummy sandwiches.. not to forget the lovely cookies he had parceled..!! ( uncle perhaps thought his daughters and their friends r going to travel not to matheran but Bangladesh….!! ;) )

.

Some well read gentleman has rightly said :

“ A Morning without a smoke and coffe aint no morning at all..!! “

And so true it is… but this does not hold true to folks travellin on the Great Indian Railways.. coz u cant smoke on the trains ( OR SO THE LAW SAYS…!! J ) AND NEITHER DO U GET TASTY COFEE… ( All u get is HOT FLAVOURED WATER THAT’S MUDDY IN COLOR AND A BIT SWEET .. AFTER GULPING DOWN MORE THAN HALF THE CUP DO U REALISE THAT THE FLAVOUR IS ACTUALLY THAT OF THE WORST EVER SAADA HUA COFEE BEAN..!! L )

ANYWAYS, Bava and ur’s truly did break certain laws but I had to compromise with the HOT FLAVOURED WATER…!!!

Here too Pooh had to shower her pearls of wisdom.. and that she did is élan.. When ur’s truly was about to enter the SO VERY CLEAN WASHROOM of the train, our DUMB SARDARNI aka POOH HOWLS ON TOP OF HER VOICE: “ AEEEEE.. CAN YOU SMOKE IN THE TOILET… ?? “. Thanks to her exemplary display of intelligence, the entire bogey started staring at me as if I were some CRIMINAL.. A CHILD KIDNAPPER or MOLESTER to b SPECIFIC…
Thus the great act of tryin to control the urge of smoking had to be performed.. but it dint last long..

Eventually I did do wad I had too..!! ;)

After 2 hours of laughter and entertaining our co passengers, we got down at Karjat to begin leg 2 of the travel : Karjat – Neral ( a small station which connect you to matheran )

Leg 2 of the travel finished in 20 minutes but on the sad note that the TOY TRAIN that connects Neral to MATHERAN was overbooked and that no tickets were available even on the next train… L

Here again we had pearls of wisdom from individuals sayin, “ chuk the tickets, we’l go without tickets and STAND in the TRAIn for 2 hours..!!! “
to everybody’s luck, sense prevailed and we caught hold of a TAXIWALLA ( note Indian version of CAB DRIVER ) who charged us 60 bucks per head to TRANSPORT 7 INDIVIDUALS OF VARIOUS SIZES AND SHAPES + THOUSANDS OF TONNES OF LUGGAGE + 100 QUINTALS OF FOOD AND YEAH.. 1 Guitar (READ JEE – TAR)

Thus begins our 3^rd and final Leg of journey to MAtheran
the journey was of not more than 20 minutes but boy it did have it’s significance, that :

v Apni Mruti. ( READ MARUTI ) Van is a sturdy…!!

v Apni Mruti. ( READ MARUTI ) Van can haul 7 INDIVIDUALS OF VARIOUS SIZES AND SHAPES + THOUSANDS OF TONNES OF LUGGAGE + 100 QUINTALS OF FOOD AND YEAH.. 1 Guitar (READ JEE – TAR) even over a gradient and slope having an angle of 75 degrees…!!

v U cud trust an L.P.G cylinder ( I actually had ma butt over it for 25 minutes ..!! )

v Never let 2 persons sit on the co driver’s seat.. unless u want GEARS BETWEEN YOUR LEGS..!! ;)

After an uphill journey and swaying for 20 odd minutes we reached the matheran base with everything but my BUTT intact .. ( I call it a sensation of POWER coz, I was literally ON GAS..!! J )

One important aspect of MAtheran is that vehicles are allowed only upto the bse of the Town and nowher beyond… From the Base one has to walk a min of 2.5 kms to reach the marketplace…If one doesn’t want to walk, there are options of a Horse ride or a single seater hand pulled Rickshaw ride…
We choose to walk…!!

The walk to the market is quite tiring… mentally and physically too..
Physically coz it’s an uphill climb… and mentally coz DISASTER IN THE FORM OF MONKEYS CAN STRIKE ANYTIME…!!! J

The reason to mention disaster is obvious.. DISASTER DID STRIKE…!!! All the 100 QUINTALS of food that Pooh was carryin, was actually a FEAST for the monkeys…

MUCH TO Pooh’s anguish, the monkeys actually snatched away the ENTIRE BAG FULL OF FOOD…!! CUD U BEAT DAT…!!! J

After consoling pooh and halting every 7.5 minutes for either a water or a drinks break, we finally managed to reach the Marketplace. Only to find out that our hotel was still 3 odd kms away…

The walk to the hotel was done obviously on FOOT and included tryin TAADGOOLAS, hunting for WATER HOLES ( read : Alcohol outlets ), Paanwallahs ( in case the stock runs out..!! ) and gud palces to eat…

After walkin for bout 20 odd minutes and askin for direction evry 3^rd minute, we finally arrived at our hotel.. HOTEL LAKE VIEW..!!! ( as expected, there was no lake around so I presumed that we were supposed to CREATE A LAKE AND THEN VIEW IT..!! J )

On checkin in the first thing that most of us did was .. TO CRASH IN BED…!!!
AFTER A power nap (VARIED FROM 15 MINS TO 2 HOURS) we had b’fast..!!

Activities after b’fast included SLEEPING, PLAYING CARDS AND YEAH.. MORE SLEEPING..!!!

Lunch was consumed at 4 in the evening. Here I wish to specially mention an important aspect of the food in Maheran… If u’r a veggie then be prepared to live on Daal Chawal.. coz that’s the only GOOD TASTY EDIBLE thing availableto eat..!!
For no veg lovers, ther is Shhabir Bhai’s , a place famous for biryani amongst others…
In short leaving the gujrati Thali @ Gujrat Bhavan, food does not find any special mention this time unlike the last time..!!!

The only saving grace I wud say were the Malai Golas, the homemade chocolate fudge ( which sum intelligent minds said wud hav been replaced by CADBURY DAIRYMILK ) and the poha and chai.

Coming back to Day 1 which was almost towards it’s end now. We actually has the honour of getting our portraits done by the GREATEST of GREAT painter SHRI SHRI PICCA_ANGELO him self..!!!
dis guys tried sketchin G.B, Bacchu and ur’s truly but ultimately failed..!!
in short 2 hours of sitting still gone waste..

Post the ARTISTIC STRUGGLE, we went back memory lane and tried experiencing the BUTTEFLIES IN STOMACH moment by sitting in a Ferris wheel…

The experience was awesome but for a moment when I actually felt the entire thing coming apart..!! yeah I did miss a heartbeat then…

And in the frrris wheel I hear comment like “ DEKHO HEMAN BAN RAAHA THA.. AB TO FAAAT GAYI..!! J “

Outdoor activities on day 1 ended with not so good a dinner and BAVA’s WALK IN THE MOONLIGHT…
Here I must share a situation where we were almost gonna get hammered to death by a FAT AUNTY anf hr family..( no no no.. we were not leching @ her.. we only laughed out loudly..!! on a comment made by my STILL NOT GOT LUCKY FRIEND as to why he does not get a GURU who teaches him the technique of : SAAT DIN LADKI IN..: J

After digesting all the laughter and some pain ( already had walked 15 kms ) we tried to sleep, but destiny had something else in store… Our LEAD JEETARIST suddenly decided to be the ROCKSTAR and wanted to show of his guitaring skills I presume ( to who, I am still guessing J ) and started with his MUSICAL NITE bang at 12…!!! ( I always believe that dis guy is possessed.. he comes to life @ nite.. ) after belting out numbrs after numbers we decide to wake the girls up who were by now SNORING away to glory in the adjacent room…

And wad a way to wake any1 up from deep slumber at 2 in da morning.. PLAY THE GUITAR AND HOWL ON TOP OF UR VOICES… “ CHAND MERA DIL.. CHANDNI HO TUM..!! “ and boy wad magical effects.. the chandni gets up and starts playing cards..!! ;) ;) ;)

Thus day 1 actually ended somewhere around 3 am after an eventful evening and much more eventful night…!!!

Day 2 started with the gals returning the favour… first they barged and gate crashed into our room.. then they started ferociously strumming the guitar and started howlin gout numbers in thw worst possible tones just to wake us up… and as if that was not enuf..started pulling the blankets away.. yuk yuk yuk

After settling down and getting ready ( which tok close to 2 hours ) we had a yummy b’fast and everyone but your’s truly headed to torture the horses. The horses took them to different locations which included valley crossing, river crossing etc…

In the mean while, I took off on foot, tried ma hands at valley crossing and explored a few places in the market.

Speaking bout the market, how can I not mention about the shopping spree dat one could do..!! chappals, leather belts , hats and canes are the specialty of matheran…did sho[ but bare minimum…

After an eventful lunch @ gujrat bhavan ( probably the only tasty food that we got ), we geared up to leave matheran only to find that the toy train was cancelled and that we wud hav to take the road once again…

So wad followed was again a trek down to the base and the same APNI MRUTI van drive .. this timw a bit bearable as it was downhill…

Again this time too the TAXIWALLA drive like a freakin maniac as if he’s MAI-KA-LAL SHOE_MAKER tryin to race his team to victory…!!

We did reach Neral station in a single piece… thanks to our stars… J

Our lst leg of the journey was Neral – KARJAT –PUNE and was a big question as we did not have reserved seats…

After a little bit of running about (including running on the tracs...!) we did manage to secure berths, play cards again and did reach home In one piece but extremely tired…

Overall the trip was pretty good… lot of new leanings and teachings, also a much needed break.

The trip definitely wud’nt hav been wonderful had there not been POOH with her PERAL’S OF WISDOM AND HER LOOVWWE FOR MONKEYS , KARUNA and her troubleshooting methods, BAVA and his WILD LOGIC and MUSIC, ARTI and her comic timing , SUNIL and his sense of humour and KILLER LAUGHTER and last but ot the elast G.B and KARUNA’s Obsession of clicking snaps every 5^th second..

We presume they’v clicked more than a 1500 snaps…!!!

Overall a memorable trip, full of myaadness and till the next time I write or get inspired…

KEEP THE FAITH..!!!

Bharat Darshan 2

Reckon it’s been long since I wrote bout my trips…

Unlike last time when i indulged into a lot foodie pursuits… this trip that I undertook.. ( lets call it BHARAT DARSHAN II ) was quite interesting…

Met a lot of new people, learnt quite a few things…. Including certain NEW WORDS that hav been added to ma vocab…like da word “ THULLA “ which is a slang for da word cop in da northern parts of our country… !!!! J

The scope of the trip dis time was :

Pune- Mumbai – Delhi – Yamunanagar – Delhi – Bangalore – Hyderabad – Warangal – Hyderabad – Pune….. uff.. reckon I traveled across atleast 50 % of our Country…

My journey started off on a gr8 note…. Probably listening to GYAAN BATAP SAMAROH

( lets call it G.B.S ) of all the people i meet was the motto of the entire trip…..

Pune to Mumbai was traversed by the SHIVNERI bus service ( MSRTC’s volo services b/w Mumbai n pune… man these guys take flat 3 n ½ hs to reach Mumbai.. unlike certain private players who take a minimum of 5 hours… max cud depend on your BAD LUCK.. J )

My co passenger for the 3 & ½ hours was a certain politician.. ( a well known philanthropist n an ex M.L.A for 3 consecutive terms from his consitituency… )

Boy my view of politicians changed after that 3 n ½ hours experience… I was of da view that politicians in general can bore people with their well rehersed, droning speeches ( that too written by somebody else… )… but this guy… boy oh boy.. he had da capacity to take care of a ONE TO ONE session.. specialized in PAKAOING people… J

This chap went on and on and on ( raised to infinity..……… ) bout how he has served people by opening up a lot of welfare schemes and his philanthropic initiatives and how he owns huge portions of land, and how he plans to “ INVEST “ his money into building schools… !!! J

By the end of those 3 hours.. he luckily got down at an earlier drop point.. I had knowledge of various things like..

WHAT his political agenda is…. Personal Agenda is… how he intends to develop an advertising strategy for his…. can u beat it.. PAPAD Manufacturing firm…. And a lot of other things, for which I wud not want to go on record…

After getting down at Mumbai i realized that i cud not hear anything from 1 ear… boy oh boy.. in marathi we call dat state.. ( “ BADHEER “ ).. ( not to be read as BAD – ER …. )

Next destination was Mumbai central railway station where the Rajdhani was waiting for me to occupy the great berth.. and also probably to give me some torture moments…

Havin quite sometime on hand.. ( reached the station 2 hours earlier.. ) I indulged in my favourite pastime…. Standing near the railway engine.. and being inquisitive bout the functionin of the railway engine… )

And guess what.... did get a lot of gyaan from those well dressed Engine drivers like…

• The top speed of Rajdhani from Mumbai to Baroda is 120 kmph.. then it is 130.. ( thanks to the change of frequency of electricity and the loco’s also.. )

• Dat non Rajdhani trains hav a top speed of wonly 100 kmph…. And so on and so forth..

( wish I cud get onto an electric locomotive for a journey… HAV ALREADY TRAVELLED ON A DIESEL one.. !! )

ok .. ok..ok enuf ob G.B.S.. coming bak to the journey… as soon as the train started.. there was a full supply of snacks, soft drinks and what not….

( GUESS those people from the serving department are of the belief that the rajdhani’s are meant only for people from BANGLADESH or sum remote drought affected place… where a morsel of food mite b a luxury… )

To speak in lay man’s words.. ( SAALO NE KHIL KHILA KAR MAARNE KA PLAN BANAYA THA passengero ko yaar…. )

And the most important constituent of the journey.. ahaha.. the gr8 co passengers..

GOD BLESS this breed… I don’t know why I am blessed with so many namunaas….

probably GOD wants me to wash all my SINS ( BUT I DON’T RECKON I HAVE COMMITED ANY !! ) here in this janam itself…..

There was this guy working with a leading FMCG firm.. and too his bad luck he was transferred for the 6^th time in 4 months…. Dat to when he had applied for a week’s leave… wud not want to speak bout the PRAVACHAN I got about how his company’s H.R dept is inefficient and so on and so forth…. ( I am of the view that no H.R personell cud ever be inefficient… !! )

But one thing I understood dat this guy was a Panju.. coz when he got a call.. ( from his girlfriend is what I assume… ) the guy says…. ( “ YAAR EK BOORI WAALI BAD NEWS HAI…. “ cud some1 teach him that boori and bad r da same…. !! ) also i cud leard sum repetitive type of words like… (“BETA STAND UP hhoja… ya BETI SIT DOWN hole… “ )

Then I was blessed wid another couple.. reckon their Grandson and his wife had come to see them off… but to my horror.. Auntiji.. ( lets not b rude by callin them DADAji n Dadaiji.. ) was in full control of her “ ( NA)HAS – BAND “.. uncleji ki to bhai bas BAND HI baj rahi thee ji…..

Boy the wonly thing missing in uncleji’s attire was .. A KUTTE KA PATTA…

In short sadde uncleji to ji DOOR MAT ban gaye the…..

pitty da poor guy.. BECHAARA.. KISMAT KA MAARA…. (but also admire da woman….)

( FULL CONTROL OF ALL AVAILABLE RESOURCES…. AND DA END RESULT… CONTROLLED, TOP QUALITY PRODUCTS….. is what a production person wud say.. !! )

But on a serious note... why on earth do WOMEN BEHAVE IN SUCH A WAY WITH THEIR HUSBANDS… ? is one thing I always wonder…..

Also there was this GYAANI PAAJI.. ( a SARDARJI who for reasons best known to him.. was staring at me with anger in his eyes continuously….. ) who bang at 12.00.00 am starts howling on train… “ OYE BALJEETE.. OYE BALJEETE.. KITHE HAI TU.. KITHE HAI TU.. ? “

I don’t know who BALJEETE was coz this gentleman was traveling with his wife only….

After speculating for a long time I came upto an assumption.. dat BALJEET wud be the name of the great LICE which wud hav been torturing him and in all probabilities sucking his blood… I don’t think of any other possibility of who BALJEETE wud be….

Anyways.. as per the rajdhani schedule.. the train reached Hazrat Nizaamuddin right time… ( then suddenly a questin arose.. what is da meaning of HAZRAT. ? after a lot of gyaani people giving me their own versions, I understood that HAZRAT is probably an urdu word for MR. or gentleman…. )

The stay in delhi was for a couple of hours only.. so I had a long distance darshan of AIIMS, 10 JANPATH , RASHTRAPATI BHAVAN and CONNAUGHT PLACE…. That too from da auto rickshaw…..

Also indulged in some shopping in delhi…

Must mention the confidence of da rick fellas with which they try to loot their customers.... boy even a HARVARD management grad wud be a NOBODY in front of these guys when persuasion and selling’s concerned…..

Next on target was YAMUNANAGAR..(or JAGADHRI as it was earlier known… ) this place is like 4 hours away from delhi.. ( by road n (if luck is with you) rail… ) into Haryana….

This place has a lot of Punjabi population, and is famous for Ballarpur paper mills and is the main hub for plywood production in our country…..

I put up in a really nice hotel.. for the first time in my entire traveling experience tilll date, actually felt like being at home…. Was dam comfy…… after a couple of presentations and 2 days in Yamunanagar, it was time to get down towards the next leg of mytrip.. the Southern trip..

Travel from Yamunanagar to Delhi was in a (once again) rickety Haryana road Transport Bus.. again the seat arrangement the same as last times’… 2 by3… minimum luxury facilities and no suspensions also… !! but luckily the conditions of the road was good and that was much of a relief… (The NATIONAL HIGHWAY 1 connects half way through.. ) …

But what is worth a mention is the way the driver was driving the bus.. This guy probably was under the impression that he was “ MAI-KA-LAAL SHOE-MAKER “ and that he was endorsing PHARARI as a brand.. (Much to the anguish of his SAVARI…. )

Better still.. this dude was negotiating turns and overtaking other vehicles ( from the right side.. quite luckily.. ) as if the bus he was driving was the size of a MARUTI 800.. !!!!

Oh.. forgot to mention the unique category people I met on my travel from DELHI to YAMUNANAGAR and back.. Lets for a start call these people the LOW PROFILE KEEPERS….!!!

These people have a unique characteristic… their mobile keeps ringing every minute..

( quite literally… ) and then these GENTLEMEN / LADIES speak so very softly that the entire bogie / bus can in a mater of 10 minutes come to know their entire life history, geography, civics , economics and what not… and this happens on every call…..

So.. on my way to Yamunanagar I was blessed with this typical Punjabi auntiji, sitting next to me and HOWLING away to glory every time the phone rang…. Or she made a call…….

By the end of 4 and ½ hours of travel to Yamunanagar, i came to know bout her entire LIFE KA RAMAYAN & MAHABHARAT .... including why she married her husband and settled in a small town like saharanpur ( well know for ITC LTD’s manufacturing plant ) to how and why her daughter( a typical punjaabi name.. CHINKY OR TINKY or sum crap like dat.. I don’t really remember. ) travels to delhi every day to study even when there are good colleges in Saharanpur..

( I really wanted to ask AUNTIJI.. “Does your daughter really go to delhi to study only ? J “.. but then I controlled myself in not being too nasty with her….) and other such silly lil topics… goodness gracious… that woman was going on and on and on… what never ending stamina I tell you….

Similarly on my way back to Delhi I was blessed with an uncleji who was a businessman.. and in 5 hours I became GYAANI MAHARAJ BUSINESSWALE… (so next time any1 wants business knowledge.. please feel free to consult yours truly… but do so at your own risk…. !!! )

But lets look at the positive sid of the story….Thanks to this uncleji…… the torture of traveling in that 5 star bus atleat got reduced…. He he he…

Back in delhi had the chance of travellling in the METRO… man it’s just a wonderful experience… not just travellin on the actual Train.. but also “ TRAVELLING “ from the token counter ( they have tokens instead of printed tickets… quite eco-friendly u see.. !! ) to the platform…. Distance anywhere between 500 meters to infinity…

Thanks to that I lost a few pounds.. must say…..

Had some time in delhi, so cud see Connaught Place and pay a visit to the underground PAALIKA BAZAAR… ( this place’s famous for offering stuff for throw away prices… but then do not expect anything to be original.. even if it looks better that the original merchandise.. )

Boarding the train on a rather chilly night I got ready for a long distance travel and mentally prepared myself for sum more interesting time on the great INDIAN RAILWAYS of ours….

This time I was surrounded by another category of people… THE KITAABI KEEDAS… or THE PADHAKU DAAKUS….

The entire train was full ( infested I reckon wud b quite a controversial word, so lets refrain it’s use… ) with doctors… ( those who had finished 4 & ½ years of medical training and 6 months of internship… ) who were traveling to Bangalore to appear for the Karnataka state medical post Grad entrance exam… called COMED….. ( for which one studies for anytime between 6 moths to 6 years…. Depends on personal capacity u see..!!! )

One question that still troubles me is…….. WHY ON EARTH DO THESE GUYS STUDY SO MUCH… and apart from that.. maan HOW AND FROM WHERE ON EARTH DO THESE GUYS GET THE STAMINA and da PATIENCE….. boy.. amazing…… just amazing….

Made friends with quite a few doctors who did offer me genuine medical advise, and did contribute a lot to my general knowledge…

But a 48 hour travel without being blessed by NAMUNAAS is quite impossible rite…

So there we had a lady… who kept sleepin and sleepin and sleepin .. that’s it ( She had to be rechristened “ SLEEPING BEAUTY “ rite…. ).. she only woke up to have her grub and go to the wash room.. is what I presume…( thank god she atleast took “ UTNA KASHT “… )

Another unique personality worth a mention was this techie guy…. who was spiritually so very oriented, that I assumed he had his “JAAGRIT KUNDALINI “ right from his birth… !!! J

We named MR. Spiritual Know It All - AATMAGYAANI GURUVARYA SHRI SHRI SHRI LAPTOP BABA… ( no relation what so ever to the great and “ straight “ SHRI SHRI RAVISHANKAR ji ART OF LIVING WAALE.. ) coz this maha gyaani first started his oral discourse and then went on to torture the already “ FRESH ‘ medical minds with his AATMAGYAANI presentations which he had loaded onto his laptop….

The guy no doubt was spiritually correct… ( not to be confused with POLITICALLY CORRECT.. ) and the examples he was giving to back his point up were absolutely fantastic… but unfortunately like how most of our politicians when given the mike, go on and on and on… till infinity, this AATMAGYAANA LAPTOP BABA too went on and on and on not realizing that out of a crowd of 10 cheelas which he had “ COLLECTED “, wonly 2 were still awake….

Apart from these fellas we also had doctors who had specialized in VELLA PANTI and INTELLIGENCE GATHERING…. ( dint know these subjects were also in medicine… )

One doc from Agra was so very “ Maahir ” in intelligence gathering that leave alone the great R.A.W , even the I.S.I officials wud be ashamed of themselves….

This chap, I don’t know how, managed to extract the janam kundali of the SLEEPING

( NO )BEAUTY.. bout whom I’v already mentioned…..

After 48 hours of tolerating a lot of weird people.. and minimum sleep… ( coz these intellingent buggers plan their studies only when the sun has set… and the electricity connection on the trains never gets disconnected….), I reached the great BANG-a-LORE…. Ops.. BEGALURU…. ( apologies to all the SRI RAM, SRI LAXMAN, SRI BHARAT , SHRI PANDAVA , SHRI KARUAVA , SHRI RAVANA etc etc etc Nautanki SENE’s… )

Mission Bengaluru was quite an important one…. Rather the most important one on the entire trip…..

Next leg was b’lore – hyderabaad… dat too by bus.. coz our great Lalu’s taatkaal reservation system also could not help me book tickets onto LALU PRASAD’s PROFIT MAKING VENTURE…..

So travellin by a semi slepeer Volvo not only seemed very tiring, but was very very very tiring indeed.. Also the driver here.. ( should I call him CAPTAIN… ) had similar professional characteristics of his cousin up north… man even this dude thought he was “ MAI-KA-LAAL SHOE-MAKER “ and that he was endorsing PHARARI as a brand.. (Much to the anguish of his SAVARI…. )

But this guy thought he was riding a SUPER BIKE probably… ( not even driving a maruti 800 ) coz even this guy was zipping across the highways….

But alas even dat dint help our man…

Much like the NIZAAMI style of hyderabaad, I arrived 3 hours behind schedule…. On asking the reasons… the guy in his typical SOUTHY aaccent says… “ SAAR, EE ( to be pronounced as the alphabet A ) to I.S.T hayi…. INDAIN STAAAAAANDAARD TIME is what i thought… but he says.. INDIAN STRETCHABLE TIME.. and then this @#$%^& gives me a grin…

After a long time I really felt like giving sum1 a facial treatment…. ( no no no.. not thanks to the great medical knowledge I had got sumtime back.. )

Luckily I had a connecting train to Warangal in the afternoon.. so I cud get home… ( yeah ma bro puts up in Hyderabad ), hav bath under da GHAR KA SHOWER and hav GHAR KA KHAANA (probably after like 8 days or so.. !! J… ) , rest for sumtime and then get back to ….. yeah TRAVELLING…..

Hyderabad (read Secunderabad) to warangal is like 2 hours….

Now lets hear WARANGAL ki Tareef… ( this place is surrounded by 2 other smaller town namely Kazipet { an important junction on south eastern railway } and Hanamkonda… )..

So together Warangal + Hanamkonda + Kazipet = Tricity… as far as the area’s concerned, the tricity wud not be even 1/4^th of that of Poona…

This region is a well known NAXALITE region… ( but don’t worry.. those guys do not and will not harm aaam junta.. and not definitely yours truly.. Where else do u think those guys wud get a GOOD MOUTH PIECE and COMMUNICATOR …!!! ehm….. J )

I usually put up at this hotel called Supreme… ( and as the name says, it’s the wonly good hotel in da area..…) this place has a wonderful eatery just below.. so now doubt my tastebuds too get a treat here…..

U get awesome, mouth watering SOUTH INDIAN snacks here… ( what else cud u expect…. )

Also if u order or even inquire for North Indian stuff here, u get the looks that wud b probably given to a third rate convict… or better still..the kind reaction u wud get if you order for milk sitting in a MADEERA ka BAR….

But not to worry.. for a change u cud try ( if and when u visit this great place ) hotel Ashoka’s typical ANDHRA STYLE thaali.. ( theese guys call it “ MEALS “.. even if you were to order it for a single person… i.e the basic laws of SINGULAR and PLURAL gona for a TOSS…. !!! )

Tea and coffee unfortunately tasted the same, so I resorted to . “ BOOST IS THE SECRET OF MY ENERGY… “ not that it made me energetic n stuff.. but it was da only saving grace…

I had a tough time communicating with the people ( especially the waiters ) here… man these guys don’t understand the national language.. ( or so I thought ).. and these guys r adamant on speaking their mother tongue… u understand , don’t understand.. they’re not bothered… they’ll carry on in their mother tongue….

The waiter in my hotel was another INTELLIGENT n SMART chap… I used to order for 1 cup of BOOST.. the bugger got me 2, I ordered for one bottle of BISLERI, he got me 2… so next time onwards I said.. ( “ANNA AADHA CUP BOOST “.. then is when da bugger got me 1 cup…. J )

This was da same guy who acted as if he dint understand our national language, but on receiving his tip ( before I checked out ).. this %^& &* a %^&*$ says ( obviously in his typical SOUTH INDIAN ACCENT, but to my horror in HINDI… !! )…. “ SAAR… AAMKO ( read HUMKO ) HINDI AAATA… AAm ( again read HUM ) BOOLTA NAI… “.. alas I had already given him his tip.. so cud’nt ask it bak.. but probably I shud’v done dat… coz that wud hav taught him a lesson or two in CUSTOMER SERVICE… !!!

Had a chance to interact with some National Institute of Technology students.. man these guys r brains….

Travel back to Hyderabad was a real memorable trip….

A train had derailed on the Kazipet – Hyderabad line and therefore ( as usual ) all the trains were cancelled… so again the great bus journey again…

When i reached the Bus terminus…. ( as expected ) there was a huge serpentine queue.. I reached there at 7.00 pm and if I wud hav been a part of the great queue. Probably I wud hav got the 12 am bus outta warangal….

I thought of an real intelligent idea.. I approached the driver of a bus that was about to leave, wether there was any space.. he answered back ( as expected ) in his mother tounge… ( talk bout CUSTOMER SERVICE…. ).. but this time, i was also prepared …. I had with my the fella from my warangal office.. my translator…. Who did da SETTING.. as we call it…. J

Finally to my horror I found myself travellin to Hyderabad ( a 3 hour road journey ) sitting next to the driver in the drivers cabin on……. THE STEPs.. yeah.. ( I still don’t believe I did that….. probably the need of the hour… this proves sum great guys quotation that..

“EVERYTHING THAT A HUMAN DOES IS ONLY & ONLY NEED BASED.. !! “ )……

( know there wud b a lot of contradictions and debates on this one… but lets leave it for sum other time.. )

I reached Hyderabad (read HOME ) rather tired ( but in time )… the next day was a bit of a rest.. ( “ BHAKAR { read BHA- KAR } DIVAS “ in marathi… )

My train back to Poona from Hyderabad was at night… so cud hav dinner wid family… ( had NORTH INDIAN grub in a typical SOUTH INDIAN restaurant.. and surprisingly it was dam good…. ) travel back to Poona in train again was quite hectic… ( read mentally… )

My friend vishwesh and i always pray that we shud not be blessed with any JAIN / MARWARI family / person on any of our travels….. coz then it results in energy drain out

( read mentally… nothing else…!!! J )

( GENERALLY these guys go on and on and on… and da only thing they do is IRRITATE… again this reading is a general reading.. there r quite a few unique n nice one’s I know.. )

Probably my prayers fell short on Almighty’s ears.. boy. I was blessed with a full fledged MARWARI FAMILY ( read IRRITATING BUFFONS…. ) again after quite sumtime i had the feeling of pasting Glue onto their faces….

The family in question had 2 very very WELL BEHAVED n WELL MANNERED kids… ( so well behaved were they that even DRACO MALFOY n his CRONIES of HARRY POTTER series wud be ashamed…. ) , their equally WELL BEHAVED and so very SOFT n SOPHESTICATED parents… ( this pair was outta comparison… ) and their distant relative… probably this dame was the wonly saving grace… ( coz she dint open her trap at all.. or rather her great relatives wud not let her… J )

Man those kids ate so LESS that it wud put even KUMBHAKARNA to shame…. Every 5 minutes these kids were hogging and munching and drinking ( reads COLD DRINKs / FLAVOURED MILK )…..

And their behaviour.. aha aha aha… no words to describe…. HOWLING out, BURPING n FARTING out loudly… ( yuck yuck yuck.. dats true.. unfortunately… L ) and what not.. da list goes on….

I luckily managed to get on sum sleep.. ( coz I voluntarily swaped my lower birth with the GREAT WELL BEHAVED FAMILY’S upper birth…. QUITE A WISE DECISION ON MY PART.. MUST Say…. !!!)

Travel to Poona’s like 12 hours.. reached home in time…

It was like heaven to see home after like 12 days…

Learnt quite a few LESSONS sum very good.. sum equally BAD , sum too personal, sum professional on this trip.. That’s apart from the gyaan I got and the new people I met…..

But then as sum desi version of “ VALLI-MIA SHEK-IS-PEER “ has said…

“ THE WORLD IS A STAGE.. AND COME WHAT MAY…. THE SHOW MUST GO ON….. !! “

Maan I’m finally home after travlling approx. 125 hours ( rail n road combined )..… very tired.. and guess what.. a couple of pounds lighter….

Reckon it’s been quite a long narration…. It’s time to sign off…

Probably by the time u read this one, wud be onto my next destination…. JAIPUR and GWALIOR….

So till next time….

As Rehman’s latest hit says…. JAI HO..!…..

Bharat Darshan 1

We usually meet a lot of interesting people while traveling.. is what a lot of people have to say..
I wud rather say… we do meet interesting people… and more interesting are their ways…. (or shud I say WEIRD.. !!!! )
Like somebody who once goes off to sleep does not climb down from the upper birth till his / her destination comes... (Time span... 12 hours to 48 hours... anything..!!)
OR
Somebody who keeps on yapping non stop (bout anything under da sun…)
OR
Somebody who likes to keep praising themselves and their family members…..
AND
Da best category are the smokers… man they wud pay 20 rupees for a normal cigarette which usually costs 4 rupees m.r.p and then go into the toilets and have a puff...
(Not to mention the 500 rupees which they wud have to shell out incase the ticket checker or the Railway police catch them..!!!!
But the worst punishment these guys get is when their "MAACHIS "or LIGHTER is taken away…..!! One must hear the swear words and the curses that come out once this particular scene happens…. MONEY DOES NOT MATTER TO THEM….)
(To think of it they also contribute to the really "WONDERFUL "smell that is already present in the toilets of THE PRESTIGIOUS INDIAN RAILWAY TRAINS….!!! )

Also worth mention is the "HEALTHY ", "HYGENIC "and "TASTY "food that is served on our trains…. Mama Mia...
Think even kuccha rice and paani waala dal tastes million times better than the meal that is served in aluminum foils….
Think was having rubber for chappati, uncooked rice and dal which had probably gallons of water….
The Scope of the trip was…
Pune – Mysore – Bangalore – Kharagpur – Jamshedpur – Ranchi – Benaras – Allhabad – Lucknow – Nashik – Pune.. (Can also be called the Golden Quadrilateral trip…)




Da journey from pune to Mysore began on the16th night...

(According to da railway timetable it wud read…

Time of Departure: 1.05 a.m Date of Departure: 17th September 2008. )

My co-passengers for the journey were:

A wealthy marwari businessman from Mumbai... (Out for meeting clients in MYSORE...)

Another BRAINY (typically SOUTHY) upcoming businessman (based out of Mumbai but studying in Mysore...)

A Zonal manager of a big Pharma company (again typically SOUTHY but an avid traveler)

A techie fresher working in M.R Premji's empire... (Got a lot of GYAAN from this guy as to how people cud hack into out credit and debit cards accounts…)

A sweet auntyji ( who was visiting her " MAIKA " for probably the nth time but still very excited as if she's goin there for the first time.. !! Not to mention the amount of luggage she was carrying… 7 bags and suitcases….!! )

First thought she was running away from home… but then when she made all of us eat the wonderful parathas her daughter in law packed my opinion changed…!!!! J

Mysore was wonderful.. Up market, cosmopolitan, trendy yet conservative and traditional….

People were dam nice and helpful… Cud visit the famous Mysore Palace and the Chamundi hills.. (at night… !! )

Must mention that the view of Mysore city from the chamundi hills at night is like heaven….

Looks like a huge field wid lights lit up all over the place……

Also the food at this particular restaurant called Shreedevi (no connection to the beautiful actress.. WONLY da names are similar... ) Authentic Andhra style food served on "KELA Ka PATTA "makes anybody go crazy…. YUMM.. !!!!

That was all bout Mysore… Next scene of action was Ranchi…

Traveled to b'lore to get my train on Friday eve (11.30 p.m).

Reached Ranchi on sunday eve...
Took 42 hours to reach here from down south….. No sleep..... No bath (yuk yuk yuk!!!) Really tiring... To top it all my connecting train from Cuttack to Ranchi got cancelled.. (This train is always cancelled and still my ticket agent gave me a confirmed ticket!!!) Luckily my train from b'lore reached cuttack half an hour early.. that's why cud actually enquire and get onto the same train back... thanks to that... had to travel all da way to Kharagpur ( known for its longest platform in da world ).. Then took a connecting train to jamshedpur...... and finally reached Ranchi in a rickety Jharkand state transport bus.. (The only means of transport...!!!)
Took 5 hours for a distance of WONLY 140 kilometers...!!!! So imagine da state of da National Hiway 33 which connects Jamshedpur to Ranchi... (And these guys here call it "MEGA HIGWAY...!!!!) What will these guys call da mumbai poona expressway then..... (Probably SPACEWAY...!) First time in life.. Switched off da lite and went off to sleep at 8.30 pm.... and got up only at 8.30 am monday mornin.... gosh da bus journey gave me a real BOUDY MASSAGE..... !!! (Was just hoping that this does not hurt my already "HEALED "leg...! )

Ranchi (now known better as Mr. Dhoni's hometown...!) was fun as far as "PET POOJA "is concerned...

There is a shop called Punjab Sweet House... (Must visit this shop if and when u travel to Ranchi.. )

And as the name goes... All kinds of chaats and Choole Bhature are what u get here... At wonderfully cheap rates…….. (NO No No ... I am not advertising for this shop.. Was impressed by the tasty food and the really economical rates…)

Next on da mission was Benaras… also given high importance for the presence of the Kashi Vishwanath Mandir

Stay in Benaras was a couple of hours only…

But the journey from Benaras to Allhabad is worth a mention….

Travel distance: 120 kilometers... Travel Time: da same 5 hours….. !!!!

Also the bus was U.P state transport bus … a 3 by 2 seating arrangement with minimum luxury facility... Man was a disaster… was so very tired that just wanted to crash…..
(Into anything available... even the foothpath Chalta tha….!!) J

Allhabad was I wud say "EATING PARADISE " and the 26th of September cud be labeled as Eating day….. in my callender…

Started the day wid having choole bhature and piping hot jalebi (off a thela on the road side.. but very clean and hygienic.. ) for b'fast…

By 2.30 pm had gulped down hot hot samosa's (priced at a meager 1rupee 50 paisa WONLY..!!), similary hot Poori Kachoori… and equally yummy Gulab Jamun….. (As big as an averaged sized persons palm.. and fully made out of khooya… So that it just melts onto the tounge….!! Again priced at a meager 5 buks….. !! )

Bad luck that cud not find the famous KHULLAD walla Lassi……

Then came the time to board the train to Lucknow…..

On day way to Lucknow… at a particular station named unnapur or something.. (Don't quite remember the name…), had piping hot aloo vadas.. (With equally tasty chutney...!) J

Dinner time was in Lucknow… (And do u think me wud miss the speciality of Lucknow…?)

The Famous "DUM BIRYANI "…..? Never...... Not possible….

Went to this place called Royal café... (Well known for its status and food... especially Biryani...)

Had superb, awesome, fantabulous Dum biryani... (The hotel guys broke the MATKA containing the biryani in front of us and served it steaming hot…!!)

After consuming biryani, was not quite full so had paani puri and then came the time to satisfy my sweet tooth….

So had Eemarti (again directly "FROM THE FRYING PAN TO MY PLATE " ) topped with RABRI…

The food saga continued with "Kulfi ke saath Seewaiyaan... " And finally ended with a BENARSI PAAN… (In Lucknow…!!!)

My V.P says... ("Yaar Ninnd… Aaj Kutte Ki Tarha Khaye Hai.. !! " )

My travel ended as we left for Pune from lucknow…..

Back home really tired after traveling probably for 130 hours by rail and road combined……

Reckon this is quite a " SHORT " description that i have penned down....

So think wud sign off...

Keep DA Faith...!!!