Reckon it’s been long since I wrote bout my trips…
Unlike last time when i indulged into a lot foodie pursuits… this trip that I undertook.. ( lets call it BHARAT DARSHAN II ) was quite interesting…
Met a lot of new people, learnt quite a few things…. Including certain NEW WORDS that hav been added to ma vocab…like da word “ THULLA “ which is a slang for da word cop in da northern parts of our country… !!!! J
The scope of the trip dis time was :
Pune- Mumbai – Delhi – Yamunanagar – Delhi – Bangalore – Hyderabad – Warangal – Hyderabad – Pune….. uff.. reckon I traveled across atleast 50 % of our Country…
My journey started off on a gr8 note…. Probably listening to GYAAN BATAP SAMAROH
( lets call it G.B.S ) of all the people i meet was the motto of the entire trip…..
Pune to Mumbai was traversed by the SHIVNERI bus service ( MSRTC’s volo services b/w Mumbai n pune… man these guys take flat 3 n ½ hs to reach Mumbai.. unlike certain private players who take a minimum of 5 hours… max cud depend on your BAD LUCK.. J )
My co passenger for the 3 & ½ hours was a certain politician.. ( a well known philanthropist n an ex M.L.A for 3 consecutive terms from his consitituency… )
Boy my view of politicians changed after that 3 n ½ hours experience… I was of da view that politicians in general can bore people with their well rehersed, droning speeches ( that too written by somebody else… )… but this guy… boy oh boy.. he had da capacity to take care of a ONE TO ONE session.. specialized in PAKAOING people… J
This chap went on and on and on ( raised to infinity..……… ) bout how he has served people by opening up a lot of welfare schemes and his philanthropic initiatives and how he owns huge portions of land, and how he plans to “ INVEST “ his money into building schools… !!! J
By the end of those 3 hours.. he luckily got down at an earlier drop point.. I had knowledge of various things like..
WHAT his political agenda is…. Personal Agenda is… how he intends to develop an advertising strategy for his…. can u beat it.. PAPAD Manufacturing firm…. And a lot of other things, for which I wud not want to go on record…
After getting down at Mumbai i realized that i cud not hear anything from 1 ear… boy oh boy.. in marathi we call dat state.. ( “ BADHEER “ ).. ( not to be read as BAD – ER …. )
Next destination was Mumbai central railway station where the Rajdhani was waiting for me to occupy the great berth.. and also probably to give me some torture moments…
Havin quite sometime on hand.. ( reached the station 2 hours earlier.. ) I indulged in my favourite pastime…. Standing near the railway engine.. and being inquisitive bout the functionin of the railway engine… )
And guess what.... did get a lot of gyaan from those well dressed Engine drivers like…
- The top speed of Rajdhani from Mumbai to Baroda is 120 kmph.. then it is 130.. ( thanks to the change of frequency of electricity and the loco’s also.. )
- Dat non Rajdhani trains hav a top speed of wonly 100 kmph…. And so on and so forth..
( wish I cud get onto an electric locomotive for a journey… HAV ALREADY TRAVELLED ON A DIESEL one.. !! )
ok .. ok..ok enuf ob G.B.S.. coming bak to the journey… as soon as the train started.. there was a full supply of snacks, soft drinks and what not….
( GUESS those people from the serving department are of the belief that the rajdhani’s are meant only for people from BANGLADESH or sum remote drought affected place… where a morsel of food mite b a luxury… )
To speak in lay man’s words.. ( SAALO NE KHIL KHILA KAR MAARNE KA PLAN BANAYA THA passengero ko yaar…. )
And the most important constituent of the journey.. ahaha.. the gr8 co passengers..
GOD BLESS this breed… I don’t know why I am blessed with so many namunaas….
probably GOD wants me to wash all my SINS ( BUT I DON’T RECKON I HAVE COMMITED ANY !! ) here in this janam itself…..
There was this guy working with a leading FMCG firm.. and too his bad luck he was transferred for the 6th time in 4 months…. Dat to when he had applied for a week’s leave… wud not want to speak bout the PRAVACHAN I got about how his company’s H.R dept is inefficient and so on and so forth…. ( I am of the view that no H.R personell cud ever be inefficient… !! )
But one thing I understood dat this guy was a Panju.. coz when he got a call.. ( from his girlfriend is what I assume… ) the guy says…. ( “ YAAR EK BOORI WAALI BAD NEWS HAI…. “ cud some1 teach him that boori and bad r da same…. !! ) also i cud leard sum repetitive type of words like… (“BETA STAND UP hhoja… ya BETI SIT DOWN hole… “ )
Then I was blessed wid another couple.. reckon their Grandson and his wife had come to see them off… but to my horror.. Auntiji.. ( lets not b rude by callin them DADAji n Dadaiji.. ) was in full control of her “ ( NA)HAS – BAND “.. uncleji ki to bhai bas BAND HI baj rahi thee ji…..
Boy the wonly thing missing in uncleji’s attire was .. A KUTTE KA PATTA…
In short sadde uncleji to ji DOOR MAT ban gaye the…..
pitty da poor guy.. BECHAARA.. KISMAT KA MAARA…. (but also admire da woman….)
( FULL CONTROL OF ALL AVAILABLE RESOURCES…. AND DA END RESULT… CONTROLLED, TOP QUALITY PRODUCTS….. is what a production person wud say.. !! )
But on a serious note... why on earth do WOMEN BEHAVE IN SUCH A WAY WITH THEIR HUSBANDS… ? is one thing I always wonder…..
Also there was this GYAANI PAAJI.. ( a SARDARJI who for reasons best known to him.. was staring at me with anger in his eyes continuously….. ) who bang at 12.00.00 am starts howling on train… “ OYE BALJEETE.. OYE BALJEETE.. KITHE HAI TU.. KITHE HAI TU.. ? “
I don’t know who BALJEETE was coz this gentleman was traveling with his wife only….
After speculating for a long time I came upto an assumption.. dat BALJEET wud be the name of the great LICE which wud hav been torturing him and in all probabilities sucking his blood… I don’t think of any other possibility of who BALJEETE wud be….
Anyways.. as per the rajdhani schedule.. the train reached Hazrat Nizaamuddin right time… ( then suddenly a questin arose.. what is da meaning of HAZRAT. ? after a lot of gyaani people giving me their own versions, I understood that HAZRAT is probably an urdu word for MR. or gentleman…. )
The stay in delhi was for a couple of hours only.. so I had a long distance darshan of AIIMS, 10 JANPATH , RASHTRAPATI BHAVAN and CONNAUGHT PLACE…. That too from da auto rickshaw…..
Also indulged in some shopping in delhi…
Must mention the confidence of da rick fellas with which they try to loot their customers.... boy even a HARVARD management grad wud be a NOBODY in front of these guys when persuasion and selling’s concerned…..
Next on target was YAMUNANAGAR..(or JAGADHRI as it was earlier known… ) this place is like 4 hours away from delhi.. ( by road n (if luck is with you) rail… ) into Haryana….
This place has a lot of Punjabi population, and is famous for Ballarpur paper mills and is the main hub for plywood production in our country…..
I put up in a really nice hotel.. for the first time in my entire traveling experience tilll date, actually felt like being at home…. Was dam comfy…… after a couple of presentations and 2 days in Yamunanagar, it was time to get down towards the next leg of mytrip.. the Southern trip..
Travel from Yamunanagar to Delhi was in a (once again) rickety Haryana road Transport Bus.. again the seat arrangement the same as last times’… 2 by3… minimum luxury facilities and no suspensions also… !! but luckily the conditions of the road was good and that was much of a relief… (The NATIONAL HIGHWAY 1 connects half way through.. ) …
But what is worth a mention is the way the driver was driving the bus.. This guy probably was under the impression that he was “ MAI-KA-LAAL SHOE-MAKER “ and that he was endorsing PHARARI as a brand.. (Much to the anguish of his SAVARI…. )
Better still.. this dude was negotiating turns and overtaking other vehicles ( from the right side.. quite luckily.. ) as if the bus he was driving was the size of a MARUTI 800.. !!!!
Oh.. forgot to mention the unique category people I met on my travel from DELHI to YAMUNANAGAR and back.. Lets for a start call these people the LOW PROFILE KEEPERS….!!!
These people have a unique characteristic… their mobile keeps ringing every minute..
( quite literally… ) and then these GENTLEMEN / LADIES speak so very softly that the entire bogie / bus can in a mater of 10 minutes come to know their entire life history, geography, civics , economics and what not… and this happens on every call…..
So.. on my way to Yamunanagar I was blessed with this typical Punjabi auntiji, sitting next to me and HOWLING away to glory every time the phone rang…. Or she made a call…….
By the end of 4 and ½ hours of travel to Yamunanagar, i came to know bout her entire LIFE KA RAMAYAN & MAHABHARAT .... including why she married her husband and settled in a small town like saharanpur ( well know for ITC LTD’s manufacturing plant ) to how and why her daughter( a typical punjaabi name.. CHINKY OR TINKY or sum crap like dat.. I don’t really remember. ) travels to delhi every day to study even when there are good colleges in Saharanpur..
( I really wanted to ask AUNTIJI.. “Does your daughter really go to delhi to study only ? J “.. but then I controlled myself in not being too nasty with her….) and other such silly lil topics… goodness gracious… that woman was going on and on and on… what never ending stamina I tell you….
Similarly on my way back to Delhi I was blessed with an uncleji who was a businessman.. and in 5 hours I became GYAANI MAHARAJ BUSINESSWALE… (so next time any1 wants business knowledge.. please feel free to consult yours truly… but do so at your own risk…. !!! )
But lets look at the positive sid of the story….Thanks to this uncleji…… the torture of traveling in that 5 star bus atleat got reduced…. He he he…
Back in delhi had the chance of travellling in the METRO… man it’s just a wonderful experience… not just travellin on the actual Train.. but also “ TRAVELLING “ from the token counter ( they have tokens instead of printed tickets… quite eco-friendly u see.. !! ) to the platform…. Distance anywhere between 500 meters to infinity…
Thanks to that I lost a few pounds.. must say…..
Had some time in delhi, so cud see Connaught Place and pay a visit to the underground PAALIKA BAZAAR… ( this place’s famous for offering stuff for throw away prices… but then do not expect anything to be original.. even if it looks better that the original merchandise.. )
Boarding the train on a rather chilly night I got ready for a long distance travel and mentally prepared myself for sum more interesting time on the great INDIAN RAILWAYS of ours….
This time I was surrounded by another category of people… THE KITAABI KEEDAS… or THE PADHAKU DAAKUS….
The entire train was full ( infested I reckon wud b quite a controversial word, so lets refrain it’s use… ) with doctors… ( those who had finished 4 & ½ years of medical training and 6 months of internship… ) who were traveling to Bangalore to appear for the Karnataka state medical post Grad entrance exam… called COMED….. ( for which one studies for anytime between 6 moths to 6 years…. Depends on personal capacity u see..!!! )
One question that still troubles me is…….. WHY ON EARTH DO THESE GUYS STUDY SO MUCH… and apart from that.. maan HOW AND FROM WHERE ON EARTH DO THESE GUYS GET THE STAMINA and da PATIENCE….. boy.. amazing…… just amazing….
Made friends with quite a few doctors who did offer me genuine medical advise, and did contribute a lot to my general knowledge…
But a 48 hour travel without being blessed by NAMUNAAS is quite impossible rite…
So there we had a lady… who kept sleepin and sleepin and sleepin .. that’s it ( She had to be rechristened “ SLEEPING BEAUTY “ rite…. ).. she only woke up to have her grub and go to the wash room.. is what I presume…( thank god she atleast took “ UTNA KASHT “… )
Another unique personality worth a mention was this techie guy…. who was spiritually so very oriented, that I assumed he had his “JAAGRIT KUNDALINI “ right from his birth… !!! J
We named MR. Spiritual Know It All - AATMAGYAANI GURUVARYA SHRI SHRI SHRI LAPTOP BABA… ( no relation what so ever to the great and “ straight “ SHRI SHRI RAVISHANKAR ji ART OF LIVING WAALE.. ) coz this maha gyaani first started his oral discourse and then went on to torture the already “ FRESH ‘ medical minds with his AATMAGYAANI presentations which he had loaded onto his laptop….
The guy no doubt was spiritually correct… ( not to be confused with POLITICALLY CORRECT.. ) and the examples he was giving to back his point up were absolutely fantastic… but unfortunately like how most of our politicians when given the mike, go on and on and on… till infinity, this AATMAGYAANA LAPTOP BABA too went on and on and on not realizing that out of a crowd of 10 cheelas which he had “ COLLECTED “, wonly 2 were still awake….
Apart from these fellas we also had doctors who had specialized in VELLA PANTI and INTELLIGENCE GATHERING…. ( dint know these subjects were also in medicine… )
One doc from Agra was so very “ Maahir ” in intelligence gathering that leave alone the great R.A.W , even the I.S.I officials wud be ashamed of themselves….
This chap, I don’t know how, managed to extract the janam kundali of the SLEEPING
( NO )BEAUTY.. bout whom I’v already mentioned…..
After 48 hours of tolerating a lot of weird people.. and minimum sleep… ( coz these intellingent buggers plan their studies only when the sun has set… and the electricity connection on the trains never gets disconnected….), I reached the great BANG-a-LORE…. Ops.. BEGALURU…. ( apologies to all the SRI RAM, SRI LAXMAN, SRI BHARAT , SHRI PANDAVA , SHRI KARUAVA , SHRI RAVANA etc etc etc Nautanki SENE’s… )
Mission Bengaluru was quite an important one…. Rather the most important one on the entire trip…..
Next leg was b’lore – hyderabaad… dat too by bus.. coz our great Lalu’s taatkaal reservation system also could not help me book tickets onto LALU PRASAD’s PROFIT MAKING VENTURE…..
So travellin by a semi slepeer Volvo not only seemed very tiring, but was very very very tiring indeed.. Also the driver here.. ( should I call him CAPTAIN… ) had similar professional characteristics of his cousin up north… man even this dude thought he was “ MAI-KA-LAAL SHOE-MAKER “ and that he was endorsing PHARARI as a brand.. (Much to the anguish of his SAVARI…. )
But this guy thought he was riding a SUPER BIKE probably… ( not even driving a maruti 800 ) coz even this guy was zipping across the highways….
But alas even dat dint help our man…
Much like the NIZAAMI style of hyderabaad, I arrived 3 hours behind schedule…. On asking the reasons… the guy in his typical SOUTHY aaccent says… “ SAAR, EE ( to be pronounced as the alphabet A ) to I.S.T hayi…. INDAIN STAAAAAANDAARD TIME is what i thought… but he says.. INDIAN STRETCHABLE TIME.. and then this @#$%^& gives me a grin…
After a long time I really felt like giving sum1 a facial treatment…. ( no no no.. not thanks to the great medical knowledge I had got sumtime back.. )
Luckily I had a connecting train to Warangal in the afternoon.. so I cud get home… ( yeah ma bro puts up in Hyderabad ), hav bath under da GHAR KA SHOWER and hav GHAR KA KHAANA (probably after like 8 days or so.. !! J… ) , rest for sumtime and then get back to ….. yeah TRAVELLING…..
Hyderabad (read Secunderabad) to warangal is like 2 hours….
Now lets hear WARANGAL ki Tareef… ( this place is surrounded by 2 other smaller town namely Kazipet { an important junction on south eastern railway } and Hanamkonda… )..
So together Warangal + Hanamkonda + Kazipet = Tricity… as far as the area’s concerned, the tricity wud not be even 1/4th of that of Poona…
This region is a well known NAXALITE region… ( but don’t worry.. those guys do not and will not harm aaam junta.. and not definitely yours truly.. Where else do u think those guys wud get a GOOD MOUTH PIECE and COMMUNICATOR …!!! ehm….. J )
I usually put up at this hotel called Supreme… ( and as the name says, it’s the wonly good hotel in da area..…) this place has a wonderful eatery just below.. so now doubt my tastebuds too get a treat here…..
U get awesome, mouth watering SOUTH INDIAN snacks here… ( what else cud u expect…. )
Also if u order or even inquire for North Indian stuff here, u get the looks that wud b probably given to a third rate convict… or better still..the kind reaction u wud get if you order for milk sitting in a MADEERA ka BAR….
But not to worry.. for a change u cud try ( if and when u visit this great place ) hotel Ashoka’s typical ANDHRA STYLE thaali.. ( theese guys call it “ MEALS “.. even if you were to order it for a single person… i.e the basic laws of SINGULAR and PLURAL gona for a TOSS…. !!! )
Tea and coffee unfortunately tasted the same, so I resorted to . “ BOOST IS THE SECRET OF MY ENERGY… “ not that it made me energetic n stuff.. but it was da only saving grace…
I had a tough time communicating with the people ( especially the waiters ) here… man these guys don’t understand the national language.. ( or so I thought ).. and these guys r adamant on speaking their mother tongue… u understand , don’t understand.. they’re not bothered… they’ll carry on in their mother tongue….
The waiter in my hotel was another INTELLIGENT n SMART chap… I used to order for 1 cup of BOOST.. the bugger got me 2, I ordered for one bottle of BISLERI, he got me 2… so next time onwards I said.. ( “ANNA AADHA CUP BOOST “.. then is when da bugger got me 1 cup…. J )
This was da same guy who acted as if he dint understand our national language, but on receiving his tip ( before I checked out ).. this %^& &* a %^&*$ says ( obviously in his typical SOUTH INDIAN ACCENT, but to my horror in HINDI… !! )…. “ SAAR… AAMKO ( read HUMKO ) HINDI AAATA… AAm ( again read HUM ) BOOLTA NAI… “.. alas I had already given him his tip.. so cud’nt ask it bak.. but probably I shud’v done dat… coz that wud hav taught him a lesson or two in CUSTOMER SERVICE… !!!
Had a chance to interact with some National Institute of Technology students.. man these guys r brains….
Travel back to Hyderabad was a real memorable trip….
A train had derailed on the Kazipet – Hyderabad line and therefore ( as usual ) all the trains were cancelled… so again the great bus journey again…
When i reached the Bus terminus…. ( as expected ) there was a huge serpentine queue.. I reached there at 7.00 pm and if I wud hav been a part of the great queue. Probably I wud hav got the 12 am bus outta warangal….
I thought of an real intelligent idea.. I approached the driver of a bus that was about to leave, wether there was any space.. he answered back ( as expected ) in his mother tounge… ( talk bout CUSTOMER SERVICE…. ).. but this time, i was also prepared …. I had with my the fella from my warangal office.. my translator…. Who did da SETTING.. as we call it…. J
Finally to my horror I found myself travellin to Hyderabad ( a 3 hour road journey ) sitting next to the driver in the drivers cabin on……. THE STEPs.. yeah.. ( I still don’t believe I did that….. probably the need of the hour… this proves sum great guys quotation that..
“EVERYTHING THAT A HUMAN DOES IS ONLY & ONLY NEED BASED.. !! “ )……
( know there wud b a lot of contradictions and debates on this one… but lets leave it for sum other time.. )
I reached Hyderabad (read HOME ) rather tired ( but in time )… the next day was a bit of a rest.. ( “ BHAKAR { read BHA- KAR } DIVAS “ in marathi… )
My train back to Poona from Hyderabad was at night… so cud hav dinner wid family… ( had NORTH INDIAN grub in a typical SOUTH INDIAN restaurant.. and surprisingly it was dam good…. ) travel back to Poona in train again was quite hectic… ( read mentally… )
My friend vishwesh and i always pray that we shud not be blessed with any JAIN / MARWARI family / person on any of our travels….. coz then it results in energy drain out
( read mentally… nothing else…!!! J )
( GENERALLY these guys go on and on and on… and da only thing they do is IRRITATE… again this reading is a general reading.. there r quite a few unique n nice one’s I know.. )
Probably my prayers fell short on Almighty’s ears.. boy. I was blessed with a full fledged MARWARI FAMILY ( read IRRITATING BUFFONS…. ) again after quite sumtime i had the feeling of pasting Glue onto their faces….
The family in question had 2 very very WELL BEHAVED n WELL MANNERED kids… ( so well behaved were they that even DRACO MALFOY n his CRONIES of HARRY POTTER series wud be ashamed…. ) , their equally WELL BEHAVED and so very SOFT n SOPHESTICATED parents… ( this pair was outta comparison… ) and their distant relative… probably this dame was the wonly saving grace… ( coz she dint open her trap at all.. or rather her great relatives wud not let her… J )
Man those kids ate so LESS that it wud put even KUMBHAKARNA to shame…. Every 5 minutes these kids were hogging and munching and drinking ( reads COLD DRINKs / FLAVOURED MILK )…..
And their behaviour.. aha aha aha… no words to describe…. HOWLING out, BURPING n FARTING out loudly… ( yuck yuck yuck.. dats true.. unfortunately… L ) and what not.. da list goes on….
I luckily managed to get on sum sleep.. ( coz I voluntarily swaped my lower birth with the GREAT WELL BEHAVED FAMILY’S upper birth…. QUITE A WISE DECISION ON MY PART.. MUST Say…. !!!)
Travel to Poona’s like 12 hours.. reached home in time…
It was like heaven to see home after like 12 days…
Learnt quite a few LESSONS sum very good.. sum equally BAD , sum too personal, sum professional on this trip.. That’s apart from the gyaan I got and the new people I met…..
But then as sum desi version of “ VALLI-MIA SHEK-IS-PEER “ has said…
“ THE WORLD IS A STAGE.. AND COME WHAT MAY…. THE SHOW MUST GO ON….. !! “
Maan I’m finally home after travlling approx. 125 hours ( rail n road combined )..… very tired.. and guess what.. a couple of pounds lighter….
Reckon it’s been quite a long narration…. It’s time to sign off…
Probably by the time u read this one, wud be onto my next destination…. JAIPUR and GWALIOR….
So till next time….
As Rehman’s latest hit says…. JAI HO..!…..
